NMAT that.

I can't believe it's been 3 years since I took the National Medical Aptitude Test (NMAT) in 2010.

To those who aren't familiar of the term, it is the official national test for college students and graduates who are looking to get into medical schools in the Philippines. Your score will determine what schools you can apply to, and it can help with your application.

I know this is a little bit too late, but I have something to say about NMAT for all who are going to take it today... Don't worry, just take it, do your best, and again... Don't worry. Whatever your score may be, God will allow you to take up medicine if He wants you to, and your score will be enough for the school that He has in mind, just for you.

When the scores were about to be released, I was terrified to death, because I had only one school in mind. It was at that moment when I wished I actually reviewed for the test cause I didn't really take it seriously. In spite of all that, I was bestowed with a score that allowed me to apply to that one school. And I am grateful that they thought I was good enough to accept into the WVSU-COM family.

Chin up. God already sees your desire to serve His people through becoming a doctor. Trust Him and His ways, no matter what your score may be.

...Oh, and your NMAT score is not necessarily relative to your performance in medical school. Your score may be 99+ but it will take diligence, perseverance, patience, a strong gut, high threshold for pain, and a great set of insane medical school friends to make it. Hahaha

Just a quick rewind, about half of us (my pre-med classmates and I) took the NMAT in Cebu, just cause we felt like it. Hahaha (All of us proceeded to medical school. Taj, Kristine, Crezyl, Grazelle, Sharmay, Mechiel, and Celine continued at our alma mater, La Salle Bacolod; Julius went to UERM in Quezon City; Angelo went to OLFU in Valenzuela City, and I'm blessed to be in WVSU, Iloilo City.)

Ayala Center Cebu

Casa Verde! And my tacky rebonded hair. Lolz

Right after taking the exam at USC.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -- Jeremiah 29:11

Technology in medical school: An enviable blessing or a curse?

(DISCLAIMER: This does not stand for any group or organization's opinions. This is a mere product of my personal musings, as a medical student livin' THE LIFE. Hahaha)

So, I've had so many "grownup" doctors (one of them being my own mother) telling me how "fortunate" we are, and some even saying how rather "unfair" it is that we have iPads/laptops/Internet during medical school.

You know what? Sometimes I seriously think about how wonderful it must have been at a time when these actually did not exist. Here are the random reasons I can presently harvest off the top my head:

• When I open a book (ebook in this case) or open my notes (PDF is the way to go), no alerts on Facebook (mostly school-related, ironically), etc are waving at me.
• I'd be behind on class updates for reasons that don't include failing to open Facebook or charge my phone.
• Nothing beats the feeling of reading from the actual pages of a concrete book. (We all know this.)
• We'd actually, "work harder," because information in this present age is already too easy to obtain and it's making us rather lazy.

The list can go on...

Yes, I could choose not to have any of these. But if that happens, I'd be we way too behind and lost in this fast-paced generation. I would need to catch up with uploaded notes, updated ebooks and changes in class schedules that can move at the speed of sound (or internet speed, lol).

In order to compete (or survive, to say the least), one must follow suit. I guess this has become the status quo, per se.

So, don't resent us, my seniors in this great vocation. Your time in medical school was definitely great, and there is no need to compare it with ours. You had your problems, we have ours. You had your advantages, we have ours too.

We all have a common goal anyway, and that's the one thing that actually matters. :)

This Beautiful Waiting Game - The Follow Up

      In orthopedics (Which I am studying now. I know, time flies so fast!), sometimes you have to compare a hurting extremity to that which is unaffected to see if there really is a problem with it. Once the nature of the problem is established, you soon realize how much of a pain and inconvenience it is to have it. Long-term management calls for a more careful use of the extremity, so that it cannot happen again in the future. In many cases, especially dislocations, these injuries are bound to recur.

     So how is this relevant to everybody's favorite topic, that of oh sweet love? Sometimes you have experience an actual injury to know that you have take even more careful measures, and know especially what not to do in the future. I'm not saying everybody has to, but sometimes it takes an injury (or two) to tell a person to make dahan-dahan lang. Take it slow.

     I've written something about "waiting" a few years ago (For my Facebook friends, you are free to read it HERE). Back then, I was single since birth. I thought I knew everything there was to know about that topic. Now to make the long story short, I've been in and out of a relationship. In addition to that, I've tried to see if maybe this other guy was the one. Oh, and yes, that didn't work out either.

     Before you all start to think how puny this must be for me to be eating my words, this I gotta tell all of you: I really thought they were, "the one."

     I thought I already waited long enough, for every time. Yet as soon as I started to obviously go along a path that didn't look very much like anything made for me, everything would start to fall to pieces. No matter how much I say that I will never let go, it's like there's an external force that always pries these relationships away from my hands… Thankfully, before they could get any worse.

Here are some of the telltale signs that told me I was going the wrong way:

1. My personality was changing to someone that was totally not me anymore.
2. I was losing study time, and I was failing exams.
3. My actions were not honoring God, at all.
4. Something deep inside was telling me that maybe this is all wrong. (Never ignore this!)
5. Their plans for the future did not coincide with what I knew God wanted for me.

     Even though a guy is "in love with God," "sold out to Him," dedicated in church, prays really well, etc… That doesn't mean he is automatically right for you. God also gave us the gift of friends. Maybe they were only meant to be that way, nothing more!

     One thing I do resent from all this are the good friendships that could have stayed or could have been. Because of the inevitable awkwardness that comes along with a relationship gone wrong, I guess this is a consequence I have to live with.

     Sometimes I ask God why I had to go through all of this, when He could have just struck lightning where it was due to lead me away. Then I realized, I'm not alone in this. I could gather all these thoughts and share them, with every girl and boy who realized they went ahead of God's plan and tell them that they're not alone. We've learned from our mistakes. We can start over!

     It does pay to, "wait it out." Do not worry about being a spinster, or not being able to marry in time to have kids. Remember, God loves you and wants you to have the best. Delight in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart! (Psalm 37:4)

     You will not be confused, there will be no other person. Remember, God is not a God of confusion! (1 Corinthians 14:33) You will be sure, and they will be too.

     I find this mystery to actually be kind of a tease. He or she might be at the other side of the world, or that person might be seated next to you. It really doesn't matter. They will find you, and you will find them -- at the right time. By that time comes, you know that it won't go against anything else you know you have to prioritize.

• That person will be there to support you, not be a burden.

• That person will accept and love you for who you are, and not insist on changing the person that God already created you to be.

• That person will respect and have a good dynamic working for the things you prefer, and you will be able to do the same for his/hers.

• That person knows that living the rest of his or her life will be worth it, no matter how it may be, when he or she is by your side.

• That person will constantly share the same understanding and love for God as you, and not need to be continuously reminded thereof. Or worse, contradict you at all.

     One day, there will not be a single doubt in my heart. I won't have to ask anyone. All I need to do is look up to heaven, and the response will be that of peace. My family and my friends will love him, and his folks will love me too.

     I'm enjoying this time where I can be myself, be comfortable with my friends, explore the world as I please, figure out things on my own, unearth all the aspects of who I am, not be obligated, follow my own dreams, make my family proud, and more importantly, go deeper in God's love, expand my understanding of Him, and let Him have me all to Himself… Until someone "worthy" bravely marches up to Him (He is my dad now, after all) and asks for my hand to hold and keep until the end of time.

     I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I know it may span from days to years. What matters is that this time around, I know in my heart that this really is the one He made for me.

Choosing to wait again,
Ella ♡

PS. To be fair, I'm not saying that the men in my past are bad people. They were obviously just not for me. I believe that they're doing well, and as I've heard they have found new people to love. My prayers are with them. I am not regretting I came to know them, for many have I learned from these experiences. And I must say, I am a better person now than I was before. God does let beauty arise from the ashes. (Isaiah 61:3)

Live and love every season. ;)
(Chicago, June 2013)

Septechnicolor.

       It was a splash of purple expanse. Royal and majestic as it was, it was as if it was waiting for something magnificent to arise from it.

       Upon it soon came a few flecks of white: clean, yet strong. That of which soon took the form of a sizeable, irregular column in the array of violet that loomed from behind it.  It was tall, formidable, but not quite perfect.

       Then appeared wrapped around its base, were of the same consistency, but writhed down deep, and around, and pulled it into place.

       Out from its superior aspect branched out a few of these smaller ones, white, imperfect, which soon quickly gave away what it was supposed to be.

(c) Angela Debuque 2012
Oil Pastels on iPad application.

        A tree.

        Then came a multitude of deep and bold colors that added volume, definition, and fortitude to what has been conceived in the sea of royal color.

       It was a strong and beautiful tree.

       Years went by, storms bellowed through, and branches were cut off. But there, it stayed.

       If only it won't allow the storms to blow it down again, and if only no more of its branches would ever be cut off.

       To dig its roots down deeper, to bask in the Son, and to soak in the Rain. If all done, the tree can be the best that it ought to be.

       If any of these will cease, the tree will start to wither, and it may begin to lose its hold.

       Now if this tree grows and flourishes, generations will continue to see its glory, its splendor, its fruit, and its shelter.

       This will always leave people wondering Who planted it, for this was no ordinary tree.

The Blame Game.

Let me share with you a quick story:

"Hey Ate! Catch!" 

"What? Catch what?" Suddenly seeing a white golf ball reeling into my face startled my reflexes and I did the obvious motion of ducking instead of making an effort to catch it. 

*Painful-sounding crash* 

Next thing we knew, the glass of one of the dining room windows fell into a fabulous million pieces. Great. 

Now the next major moment we dreaded would be the time our Dad would face us with a stern and questioning face as to what exactly happened. 

"It was his fault! He suddenly threw in that golf ball and I wasn't ready! And who ever throws a golf ball anyway? We have golf clubs and we hit them in the course, not indoors!" 

"It was her fault! I was picking up the golf balls on the veranda floor and I wanted her to help me! It's not a difficult thing to catch a low-flying golf ball!" 

At the end of the day, we both still said our own apologies (no choice) and our Dad got the blasted window fixed and we in turn learned from our mistake and saw less broken windows in the future.

See, sometimes when we get into an ugly rift, we blame other people, and sometimes we even blame ourselves (I am more guilty of this). Others even choose their "sides." But this fasting season God revealed to me that it does not matter who's wrong and who's right. For we don't know what is going on the other person's life, nor do we really know what is in their heart.

As long as you are holding on to Him, you're fine. No need to blame anyone, for it is not our job to judge other people. If you're mad and confused, let Him guide you and comfort you because He is Love and He is Truth. If anyone blames you, let them be, for you know your Father in Heaven knows your heart and He loves you no matter what.

In the situation that you find yourself in, let Him use you in that training ground.

Though He will correct you, He will fix up that broken window for you, and maybe even get you a brand new pane with that for that matter, and you won't need to do anything about it. And eventually, you'll forget that it was ever even broken in the first place.

Happy Prayer and Fasting! Hang in there people!

Love,

Ella

"For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything." -- 1 John 3:20b

About the story: My brother Paolo and I grew up really close to each other, being homeschooled and doing extra-curricular activities together. That story was about one of one of the usual brouhahas that would happen when we were kids. Mind you the dialogue and other details may be semi-fictional as I would obviously not be able to recall that far into the past, but this was just one of the usual. :)

My 2013 is all set.

Hello 2013. What have you brought me? Another turn of the day? Or is this really that much of a big deal?

Well, I have chosen to meet the year with wide eyes, a grin from ear to ear, and an expectant heart. Corny as I am, I initiated the countdown to 2013 with my cousins at my grandfather's house. People barely ever do that in the Philippines by far, and I just had to do it.

Childlike faith, that is what my Father in heaven wants me to have.

Right smack in the middle of New Years Eve as I was on my way to my grandfather's house with my cousins, we saw the biggest rainbow I have ever seen in my life. Like He used the rainbow to remind Noah of His promise from Genesis 9, it reminded me of His promises and I will definitely hold on to them this year.

We have a new year where soon we can look back to and see more of God's unfailing grace, steadfast love, and firm correction. Before we know it we'd be at the end of the year again, doing a rewind and trying to sum up the year. Like any other year, anything can happen. But I have set in my heart what I am to do, given any circumstance.

In times of blessings and happiness, I will praise Him. Storms may fly my way, but still I will worship Him. All I desire is that I will not stray from His will for my life anymore. I want to go directly into my promised land, no matter what it takes.

Anything can happen, but whatever that may be, it will be for my good. I won't tread through this year if I don't have Him by my side. He will be with me all year, so I can already call 2013 blessed.

I know I will look back to this post a year from now with a smile on my face. Even when things don't go your way, He always has your best in mind. Up to what extent will you stretch your faith?

Happy New 2013! May His favor be with you all year.

Love always,
Ella :)

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!" -- Lamentations 3:22,23