So how is this relevant to everybody's favorite topic, that of oh sweet love? Sometimes you have experience an actual injury to know that you have take even more careful measures, and know especially what not to do in the future. I'm not saying everybody has to, but sometimes it takes an injury (or two) to tell a person to make dahan-dahan lang. Take it slow.
I've written something about "waiting" a few years ago (For my Facebook friends, you are free to read it HERE). Back then, I was single since birth. I thought I knew everything there was to know about that topic. Now to make the long story short, I've been in and out of a relationship. In addition to that, I've tried to see if maybe this other guy was the one. Oh, and yes, that didn't work out either.
Before you all start to think how puny this must be for me to be eating my words, this I gotta tell all of you: I really thought they were, "the one."
I thought I already waited long enough, for every time. Yet as soon as I started to obviously go along a path that didn't look very much like anything made for me, everything would start to fall to pieces. No matter how much I say that I will never let go, it's like there's an external force that always pries these relationships away from my hands… Thankfully, before they could get any worse.
Here are some of the telltale signs that told me I was going the wrong way:
- My personality was changing to someone that was totally not me anymore.
- I was losing study time, and I was failing exams.
- My actions were not honoring God, at all.
- Something deep inside was telling me that maybe this is all wrong. (Never ignore this!)
- Their plans for the future did not coincide with what I knew God wanted for me.
Even though a guy is "in love with God," "sold out to Him," dedicated in church, prays really well, etc… That doesn't mean he is automatically right for you. God also gave us the gift of friends. Maybe they were only meant to be that way, nothing more!
One thing I do resent from all this are the good friendships that could have stayed or could have been. Because of the inevitable awkwardness that comes along with a relationship gone wrong, I guess this is a consequence I have to live with.
Sometimes I ask God why I had to go through all of this, when He could have just struck lightning where it was due to lead me away. Then I realized, I'm not alone in this. I could gather all these thoughts and share them, with every girl and boy who realized they went ahead of God's plan and tell them that they're not alone. We've learned from our mistakes. We can start over!
It does pay to, "wait it out." Do not worry about being a spinster, or not being able to marry in time to have kids. Remember, God loves you and wants you to have the best. Delight in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart! (Psalm 37:4)
You will not be confused, there will be no other person. Remember, God is not a God of confusion! (1 Corinthians 14:33) You will be sure, and they will be too.
I find this mystery to actually be kind of a tease. He or she might be at the other side of the world, or that person might be seated next to you. It really doesn't matter. They will find you, and you will find them -- at the right time. By that time comes, you know that it won't go against anything else you know you have to prioritize.
- That person will be there to support you, not be a burden.
- That person will accept and love you for who you are, and not insist on changing the person that God already created you to be.
- That person will respect and have a good dynamic working for the things you prefer, and you will be able to do the same for his/hers.
- That person knows that living the rest of his or her life will be worth it, no matter how it may be, when he or she is by your side.
- That person will constantly share the same understanding and love for God as you, and not need to be continuously reminded thereof. Or worse, contradict you at all.
One day, there will not be a single doubt in my heart. I won't have to ask anyone. All I need to do is look up to heaven, and the response will be that of peace. My family and my friends will love him, and his folks will love me too.
I'm enjoying this time where I can be myself, be comfortable with my friends, explore the world as I please, figure out things on my own, unearth all the aspects of who I am, not be obligated, follow my own dreams, make my family proud, and more importantly, go deeper in God's love, expand my understanding of Him, and let Him have me all to Himself… Until someone "worthy" bravely marches up to Him (He is my dad now, after all) and asks for my hand to hold and keep until the end of time.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I know it may span from days to years. What matters is that this time around, I know in my heart that this really is the one He made for me.
Choosing to wait again,
Ella ♡
Ella ♡
PS. To be fair, I'm not saying that the men in my past are bad people. They were obviously just not for me. I believe that they're doing well, and as I've heard they have found new people to love. My prayers are with them. I am not regretting I came to know them, for many have I learned from these experiences. And I must say, I am a better person now than I was before. God does let beauty arise from the ashes. (Isaiah 61:3)
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| Live and love every season. ;) (Chicago, June 2013) |
